Abuse never ends.

 

My mother abused me for as long as I can remember. Aside from being stung by hornets, my earliest memory is being switched for looking into a bird's nest.

She then threw me into the shower and continued to beat me because company was coming over. This is essentially my first memory of life.

My very first broken nose happened when my mother threw me backward around the age of ten. She would beat me with anything nearby. Blood and bruises were common occurrences.

The abuse wasn't limited to the physical. One year, while we were walking through soybean fields chopping weeds with corn knives, my mother would beat me with a corn knife if I wasn't working fast enough.

On one particular occasion, there was a farm cat I kept playing with. The soybean field was, naturally, next to a farm. My mother screamed at me for petting the cat and then hit it in the head with her corn knife. I remember watching the cat's head split open.

We lived in a two-bedroom house with my mother and my two siblings. My mother was a severe alcoholic. I remember the bathroom being occupied when I desperately needed to urinate. I grabbed a cup and peed in it. When my mother came out of the bathroom, she made me drink my own urine for going pee in a cup.

My mother would constantly tell me she never wanted me. On multiple occasions, she said she wished I were dead. I was blamed for everything that went wrong.

When I was a student at Benton High School, I called home to see if I could get a ride. My mother answered and told me that my stepfather had just taken all the pills in the house and was going to die because of me. It was all my fault.

I believe I was a sophomore, so I went to the principal's office in tears. The assistant principal, Jack Cap's, gave me a ride to my mother's house. When we arrived, the ambulance was pulling away.

We followed the ambulance to the hospital, where they allowed me to go into my mother's room. I don't remember much after that because she kept saying it was my fault and that I was happy to watch her die.

She would threaten suicide frequently and always blame me. In reality, now that I'm older, I realize it was due to her relationship problems and alcoholism.

My mother has never stopped abusing me. Even to this day, she still tries to mentally and emotionally abuse me.

I tried to make amends and forgive my mother in the summer of 2017. She had a small fish pond in her yard, and I decided to give her what she had always wanted: a beautiful pond.

I stayed at my mother's house, but I slept in her shed; I would never stay inside. I worked for a couple of months to build her a beautiful pond.

I even named the ponds for her.

When the pond was finished, she once again took it upon herself to get rid of me. While she could no longer physically abuse me, the mental and emotional abuse was ever-present.

The following is what she told the police and the judge. The fact that she said I would throw her in the pond shattered my heart. Abuse truly never ends.

"On numerous occasions, I asked my son to leave my home. He has threatened to harm me repeatedly. He uses profanity towards me, and when I ask him to stop, he says he can do whatever he wants. He stated that he wants me to hit him so that he can hit me back. I called the police on him two days in a row. When I called the police on him yesterday for constantly harassing me, he threatened to kill anyone I call to come over to my house to help get him out. I have heart failure, and his harassing and threatening me is detrimental to my health. I simply want him out of my house. He invades my space by following my every step and saying things like, 'You'll get yours, you effing B.' and 'Just remember, you effing liar, payback is a bitch, you'll be sorry you talk on me, I'll make you suffer,' as he is right behind me. He threatens to physically harm me, such as throwing me in the fish pond. He says that I lied about my physical problems, i.e., COPD, congestive heart failure, A-fib, and a knee that is bone on bone. I spent three weeks in the hospital with these issues, brought about by stress, and I feel that the stress my son is causing me now is much worse than any I have ever suffered before. I simply want him to go away, live on his own, and leave me alone."